Nowadays many brides and grooms have been living together prior to their wedding and often have their house well stocked with kitchen utensils and electrical gadgets, so the happy couple would be unlikely to get one toaster, let alone the dozen of yesteryear. This can create a bit of a headache for guests but also for the couple who realise that it is traditional to give a gift at a wedding but no longer so clear as to what to give.
So what are couples doing now regarding gifts? Are they asking for cash, are they signing up for a gift registry service or are they just leaving it up to the guests to decide? We tried to find out.
Irish Wedding Diary carried out a survey at the RDS Bride of the Year Show in January on wedding gifts and the value of those gifts. We surveyed both the happy couple and their guests in order to find out the average value of the gifts, whether they would use a gift list service and to get their thoughts on asking for cash as a wedding gift.
Gift Registry Service
Registering with a gift service is a good way for brides to make sure they don’t get the oft mentioned toasters. There are many services out there from department stores to web based companies who let you choose from many different shops. The beauty of this option for brides is that it means they will get the gift they want. It also takes the hassle and worry away from guests, assuring them that the gift they pick will be appreciated by the happy couple. We asked brides would they register with a gift list service and were a bit surprised to see that 72% of brides said they wouldn’t. This was a bit surprising to us especially when we found that 65% of guests would use the gift services if the couple had registered. Maybe it is a sign of the times that many couples have been living together for a few years and have most of the household goods that would traditionally be on the gift list but there are other options such as honeymoon gift lists. Alternatively it may be a sign of the times and couples are asking for cash gifts as a way of paying for the wedding.
Cash as a gift
Cash has always been well received as a gift. We can all remember opening birthday cards as a youngster and waiting to see if money drops out of it; and the disappointment when Aunty Mary gave us a woolly jumper instead of the longed for fiver or tenner. Cash as a wedding gift however is another matter. Wedding Etiquette experts have always frowned on asking for cash as a wedding gift, in fact they frown on asking for gifts at all. The thinking is that when one asks for someone to attend at a wedding their presence is all that’s required, not their presents. Realistically though, we all know that anyone who attends a wedding is going to give a gift. Even when people are invited but cannot attend, a gift is normally sent. So if guests are going to spend money on a gift, why not just give the couple money rather than an actual gift? Many brides are uncomfortable asking for money as a gift and there is a feeling that some guests believe that asking for cash as a gift is a little uncouth and a bit grubby. In our survey we found that 63% of Brides would not ask for money as a gift. The main reasons for this is that they don’t want to risk offending guests by asking for cash, but our survey found that guests are quite happy to give a cash gift. 86% of those surveyed said they would be happy to give cash if asked by the happy couple instead of buying a present. This seems to suggest that nowadays there is no hangup about giving cash. I am sure there are some who would prefer to buy something which is personal from the guests to the couple so I guess giving people the option is the best route. Getting one’s parents or a member of the bridal party to mention that the couple would love a gift but will not be offended by cash is one good way of getting the message out.
Value of the gift
Now we have established that guests want to give a gift and that they are not averse to giving cash, we tried to find out what is the average amount guests will spend on the happy couple. Nobody wants to seem cheap by giving too little while an ostentatious, overly generous gift may just seem like showing off.  With this in mind we asked people “What is the average value of gift you would give at weddings?”  Obviously, the wedding of a close friend would bring out a bigger gift than that of an acquaintance so we broke it into two sections ‘wedding of a friend / relative’ or ‘wedding of a close friend / family member and broke the amounts down to €0-50 up to €200+ in 50 euro increments.
We found that 82% of respondents would give over €150 euro to family member/close friends with 60% would give the same to friends/relations. Only 4% would give a gift of less than €100 to their a family member or close friend.
Gifts are an integral part of the weddings ceremony in all cultures and Ireland is no exception to this. Guests like to give and the couple are very appreciative of any gifts received. The main thing we took out of the survey is that guests are very receptive to requests from the bride and groom and they really want to make the couple happy on their big day.